Money For Nothing
by Jake Block
“That ain’t workin’ that’s the way you do it
Money for nothin’ and chicks for free”
— Money For Nothing (Dire Straits)
Even after all of these years, it still amazes me when I see someone asking if they join this organization or that organization, say a few magical words and look in the cabbage patch, or some such stupidity, will they be rich?
First off… logic has to prevail. If it were that easy, wouldn’t EVERYONE be doing it and be as rich as Croesus?
Secondly… if joining The Sect of the Horned God (or any other group) was going to make YOU rich, wouldn’t the membership fees be commensurate with the rewards received?
Thirdly… we don’t believe in altruism, so what the hell makes YOU so special that if we could make you rich, we would do it, just out of the goodness of our hearts?
Now, there are members of The Sect of the Horned God, The Church of Satan, The Ordo Templi Orientis, Temple of Set, and other groups who are well off, and we can assume some are wealthy. It’s not really any of our business how much money people have, but we can pretty much assure you that they didn’t get it by lighting a few candles and sitting on their ass waiting for that mysterious stranger to hand them a satchel full of $100 bills, or the Publisher’s Clearing House Van to park in front of their house, or the Lottery to mystically select balls to drop only into the numbers chosen by their members. It just doesn’t happen, and if a member of any of those groups WOULD win the lottery, he will have beaten the same odds that the little dweeb who claims to be a Christian and wins $400 million does. You can bet dollars to donuts that 99.999% of those who become wealthy either earn it through hard labor, successful investments, of the death of a relative who leaves it to them in their will.
Joining an organization and praying for wealth, be it a Left Hand or Right Hand Path organization is as silly as it gets. TV evangelists have been selling holy water, prayer rugs, blessed nails, etc., forever, telling their followers, “Brothers and Sisters, send me $100 and JEEEZUSSSSS will bless you ten fold.” The “Reverend James Tilton, in the 1980s, used to broadcast to his followers on late night TV and chide them with, “A hundred? No. I want a THOUSAND DOLLARS, if you want to be rich, it’s a THOUSAND. If you’re serious, you can get it.” And get it, they did…the charlatan was raking in money from fools hand over fist, just like Rex Humbard, Jim and Tammy Bakker, and Oral Roberts who, in 1987, uniquely claimed that if his followers didn’t send him $8 million dollars, God would kill him. They didn’t send enough, and God apparently didn’t have the time or power to kill Oral, who lived until 2009. Oral kept the money.
As L. Ron Hubbard, founder of Scientology is often quoted as saying, “If you really want to get rich, start a religion.” Religious organizations can legally fleece their sheep, and the sheep pay handsomely for the privilege of being taken in the name of their god. Look at the Cathedrals of the world; huge, ornate structures, in which the wealth of the Catholic Church is flaunted, but nowhere more ostentatiously than in The Vatican in Rome. Do you honestly think they amassed this kind of wealth by doling it out to the laity? If you do, then son, I have a bridge in Brooklyn that I can sell you cheap!
Now, I’m of the belief that a fool and his money are soon parted, and that’s as it should be. Those who work hard for their money respect and protect it, so that they can make it work for them and grow, through investments, trading in stocks or funding their businesses to gain more customers. Then they watch their profits grow.
Money doesn’t grow on trees, and you can’t wish it into your world with magic. Money and Magic do share something in common, however. The successful application of each is 10% inspiration and 90% perspiration.
“Ev’ry morning about this time
She get me out of my bed
A-crying, get a job
After breakfast ev’ry day
She throws the want ads right my way
And never fails to say
Get a job, sha na na na, sha na na na na”
— Get A Job (The Silhouettes)
The Orders of The Sect of the Horned God