Ok… You’re A God… It Don’t Impress Me Much

by Jake Block

 “Oh-oo-oh, you think you’re special

Oh-oo-oh, you think you’re something else
Okay, so you’re a rocket scientist
That don’t impress me much”

“That Don’t Impress Me Much” — Shania Twain
You bought the book and you read the words, you figure that now you’ve decided that you’re a Satanist, and it doesn’t really matter if you are Theistic or Atheistic you are now a GOD.  LaVey said it.  You toss everything else he said out with the bathwater, but for some reason you GOT the words, “THE highest of all holidays in the Satanic religion is the date of one’s own birth. This is in direct contradiction to the holy of holy days of other religions, which deify a particular god who has been created in an anthropomorphic form of their own image, thereby showing that the ego is not really buried.

 The Satanist feels: “Why not really be honest and if you are going to create a god in your image, why not create that god as yourself.” Every man is a god if he chooses to recognize himself as one.”

There it is on page 96 of THE SATANIC BIBLE, in black and white.  Well… it is if you bought the book.  For you “gods” who couldn’t afford the book, I’d just do a search on that PDF you stare at in the dark.    LaVey said it.  So it is written, so let it be done.  Never mind the fact that he was speaking metaphorically, and never mind that just because he wrote it and you read it does not magically confer upon you any specialty or rarified position in the world.  It doesn’t make you any better than anyone else.  If you were a high school drop out shoveling shit for minimum wage the day before you read the paragraph, you’re a god who is STILL a high school drop out and STILL shoveling shit for minimum wage the day after.  You can call yourself a god if you want to.  You can call yourself Napoleon Bonaparte too.  Just saying it doesn’t make it so, and when you’re shoveling that shit, barely making ends meet, and dependent upon others for your daily existence, being “a god” isn’t quite what it is cracked up to be now, is it?

 Look.  Don’t get me wrong.  I’m not slamming you because you’re not burning things up in your real world careers.  Some of you ARE, and that’s great.  I knew Anton LaVey personally, and well enough that in the nights there in the Black House when we would talk man to man, I could get a damned good understanding of his rhyme and reason.  Let me tell you what being your own god means.  It means being responsible for the creation of your own life and your own prosperity and well-being, beholden to no one.  It doesn’t mean you can do any damned thing you want in life, and it doesn’t mean that you are beyond the reach of the law.  It simply means you take responsibility to be the best that you can be… make your life the best that you can make it with your personal drive, motivation, creativity and brain power.  There are 25 Watt gods and 100 Watt gods.  Stratification applies to gods and mortals alike.  

 It’s a prideful thing to be a Satanist, to my way of thinking.  I’ve been one the better part of my life, and as that life begins its downhill run to the finish line, I still feel pride in my Satanism.  Justifiable pride is that cherry on top of your sundae that’s a foot tall and covered with nuts.  When you can look back at a life well lived and challenges met and bested, ever-striving, and striving still to be the best YOU that you can be, you’re able to meet any man or woman and look them in the eye with a stare that says, “I’m the REAL DEAL, and here’s my proof.”  But too many of us are like too many of those sheep we like to gloat over.  We wallow in “counter productive pride,” taking credit where none is due, simply skating through life, not striving, unless it’s for mediocrity, and then we applaud it like some Olympic laurel wreath around our heads.  “Then all thy bones shall say pridefully, “Who is like unto me?  Have I not been too strong for my adversaries?  Have I not delivered myself by my own brain and body?”  

 It’s about that time when the boss we hate at the job we hate bellows…”Ok, slackers, coffee break’s over.  Get back to work.  That shit ain’t gonna shovel itself!”  Life beckons, and realities must be recognized.

 Now, shoveling shit is an honest job, and if it’s YOUR job, you want to be the best shit shoveler in the lower 48 states.  I know I would, although I have never had a job shoveling shit… I’ve had a couple that some might say are arguably worse.  But the point is that we don’t delude ourselves that this is all we can be and all we will be… there are ways out.  Education, “working the shit out of a shit job” to move you up the ladder where you won’t BE shoveling shit, but putting  the shovel in the hands of someone who will, and even taking a risk and striking out in a whole new direction, starting afresh in a new career.  TAKING CONTROL of your life and your environment… taking personal responsibility to get to a place in life where you have a greater amount of clout and autonomy and the ability to make things happen as you would wish them to be, rather than reacting to the way things are thrust upon you.

 I’ve been on both ends of the spectrum.  I’ve been “as broke as the Ten Commandments,” and I’ve been flush enough to “fly first class and tip twenties.”  If you will indulge an old guy for a moment, let me tell you a few things that I have learned along the way.  Today is ALWAYS what you need to concentrate on, because that’s where opportunities are.  The past is over… forget about it and move on.  Keep your wits about you and watch for the opportunities and chances that others miss.  You may have to put yourself out and invest in time and education and “seed money” to pay for classes and things you need to help you gain that forward momentum in your life.  But what better way to invest than on yourself?  ALWAYS bet on yourself… but hedge that bet with ACTION.   And ok… this is going to sound counterintuitive for a Satanist, but remain humble but confident to others.  There is a difference between confidence and cockiness.  Confidence is ennobling.  People see you as in control and forward looking.  Cockiness demands challenge.  People will support and help a confident man succeed, and almost always root for the cocky man to fail.

And that’s important.  You may be “a god,” but until you have found a way to sustainable wealth and total self sufficiency, you will need the backing and help from others from time to time, and when they assist you, be gracious without being fawning or obsequious.  Be a gentleman or gentlewoman and accept that helping hand with a smile and a look in your eye that says, “Thanks, but I’ve got this now.”  And when you succeed, acknowledge the assistance of others.  It’s not ass kissing… it’s not lowering yourself.  It’s maintaining useful connections for the future.

 One last thing I would like you to think about is, people get their perceptions of you not so much from what they hear you say, although that is important, but from observable cues that will make your presentation, be it formal or informal, believable or indicative of someone selling a load of bull excrement.  If you loudly proclaim, “I am a Satanist and my own GOD… ” don’t do it standing in a welfare line, or wearing tatters.  Be ready AND ABLE to back up your claims of self determination and autonomy in the world we live in.  For example, I’m a passable photographer and artist of a sort, so you can bet your ass that if I tell people I can do something with my camera that requires no post-production in Photoshop, you can bet your ass that I will be able to back up my claims, or I’ll keep my mouth SHUT.  If you make claims that appear to be grandiose and untenable upon visual inspection, expect to be challenged.  Credibility is important, and “a god” needs to be able to put up or shut up, else you run the very real risk of being seen as simply another blowhard in a black shirt.

As a Satanist, you can be your own god, developing and maintaining your own alternative reality in which you have a greater element of control than the average Joe on the street.  The more financially flush you are helps, and having the intellectual chops to defend your rationale in such a declaration will help you.  But realize that while you might be “different” in your approach, you are not unique, as each individual on this planet can make the same claim to self sovereignty, carving out his or her own niche to hold and defend.  Be realistic, be intellectually honest and if you build your world on fact, rather than fantasy, a god you may be, even if only one of many.


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