If The Foo Shits

by Jake Block


This is an old, old joke that was told to me by my uncle, back in the 1950s.  It really didn’t sink in at that time, because I was just a youngun with a lot of life and learning yet to do.  One day, much later, after a particularly bad incident with someone, it began to make sense.

There once was a baby bird who fell from his nest in Africa, and was immediately stalked by a hungry leopard, intent on making the little bird it’s next meal.  The little chick ran as fast as it could but he was no match for the leopard, who got closer with every breath.  Suddenly, from no where, a giant Foo bird began circling the drama below and, with accuracy that would make the best bombardier proud, emptied its bowels and dropped a steamy load of horribly smelly, nasty shit right on top of the little chick.  The leopard stopped dead in it’s tracks, gagging from the stench, but could hear the little chick’s complaining peeps as it struggled to get out from under the steaming, foul heap.
Moments later, the chick was still stuck, but had managed to mostly free itself from the pile of shit.  Still, it complained mightily against it’s plight, until the leopard, still gagging from the smell, reached out and flicked the chick out of its predicament and into a small puddle of water nearby.  Moments later, the little chick was cleaning itself off and happily chirping when the leopard calmly walked over and ate it in one quick bite.  And there we get to the moral of this little tale.
Everyone who shits on you isn’t your enemy, and everyone who pulls you out of the shit isn’t your friend.  When someone helps you and saves your sorry ass, just be thankful and shut up.   Just because your enemy does something unexpected and positive, remember, he’s still your enemy.  And… IF THE FOO SHITS, WEAR IT!

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