Beat It

by Jake Block

“Just beat it, beat it, beat it, beat it…

No one wants to be defeated”

— Beat It (Michael Jackson)
There’s an old axiom about beating a dead horse.  It’s an axiom about beating a horse, so you know it’s gotta be old.  I mean, when was the last time you heard anything in the common parlance referring to horses?  So, you would think that by now, people would just “get it.”  For those of you who need a little help, “Don’t waste time beating a dead horse,” means that you shouldn’t expend a lot of time and energy on an issue that has already been decided.
Common sense?  You would hope so, but every day you will find people engaged in a never ending campaign of “scab picking,” reopening past injuries against them… real or imagined… by someone either in real life of in some on line dispute.  It could be anything from a friendly dispute over whether the Joker or the Penguin was Batman’s most vicious adversary, to that bastard of an ex who went out with Mary Rottencrotch and cheated on Suzy Creamcheese.  Now, the arguments might have occurred in July of 2015, but still today, years after the fight of the century, the litigants in these cases are still taking pot shots at each other over offenses everyone else forgot about years ago.  Common sense would indicate that they should just let it go, but no, “the horse” could always take a few more whacks.
You’ve already pointed them toward the Sect of the Horned God essay about Jake’s Wallet Test (, but like the proverbial bad penny, their zombie dispute keeps coming back.  Obsession over being right in even the most trivial of disputes is commonplace, as is the rehashing of these disputes when there is no logical reason to do so, other than to influence strangers on the web to become involved in a trivial dispute that is none of their business, solely for the purpose of making oneself look good at the expense of someone else.  The reasons for this are as transparent as glass.  If you can get one person to agree with you, no matter how ancient the dispute, you assume some credibility.  That and a buck .85 will get you a tall cup of Joe at Starbucks.
A woman I know on the web has a problem with employers, employees, exes, religion, philosophies… you name it… and I’m not talking once in a while, I’m literally saying that this woman has a problem with someone or something every day, and she will keep you updated 24/7 if you’re on her friend’s list, and encourage you to join her in her personal vendettas.  I mean, isn’t that what friends do?  You don’t agree with her?  Congratulations, YOU just made her list as well, which might make you sad, but it’s also a sort of immortality, because she will be whacking you for years and probably even after you’re dead.  WHACK!  WHACK!
Now in the musty dusties of history, you could get away with beating a horse to death and just leaving it in the street to rot until the local cops called animal control to scrape up the carcass.  If it floated your boat, you could stand there all day and whack that horse while it laid there, up until the time the city took it away, then it was a dead issue.  You just wandered off to find you another horse.  The horse is dead, you’re happy and got your frustrations out.  All was right with the world.
Today, you can’t whack a horse, alive or dead without the SPCA or PETA getting involved.  So, you have to take your issues on line, and virtual horses, pretty much like virtual anything, last a long time, and you can whack them to your heart’s content 24/7/365.  So now, Masked Avenger 77aX can take your ass to task over and over and over, in your never ending argument over whether Woowoo47 was full of crap when he said that Batman and Robin were actually modern day representations of  Cervantes’ Don Quixote and Sancho Panza, and Gotham City was the windmill at which they “tilted.”  WHACK!  WHACK!
“Excuse me, sir, but have you noticed that your horse is dead?”
The Orders of The Sect of the Horned God

The Order of Pan
The Order of Cernunnos
The Order of Prometheus
The Order of Dionysis
The Order of Shiva