My Own Personal Chaos
My Own Personal Chaos
by Jake Block
“chaos | ˈkāˌäs |
complete disorder and confusion: snow caused chaos in the region.
• Physics behavior so unpredictable as to appear random, owing to great sensitivity to small changes in conditions.
• the formless matter supposed to have existed before the creation of the universe.
• (Chaos) Greek Mythology the first created being, from which came the primeval deities Gaia, Tartarus, Erebus, and Nyx.”
Chaos can be complicated to some when it is couched in terms of magic and its involvement in the creation of one’s mental construction of an “Is To Be” as a result of one’s ritualistic intent. The idea that “chaos” can sometimes interfere in ritual and magic is fairly well known by this point, but I would like you to consider that it is simply another “element of nature,” in that it is there whether we believe in it or not… or choose to employ it or not.
I look at her wrist often, in moments rare or mundane, and I can’t help but see her chaos star, even as she gently cares for her pet snake, who is as apt to take a bite out of her as it is to enjoy her caress. Chaos, visual and active in real time. She’s a bit chaotic, and I have found that her chaos, sometimes as if on call, can temper my often rigid sense of order and mellow me out when the resistance of the universe seems to frustrate me. Now, I know that some of you will think that chaos and “mellowing out” are ideas in opposition, and like matter meeting antimatter results in mutually assured destruction.
It’s my feeling that chaos is simply an element of change that we all must learn to embrace or fight against throughout our lives. Chaos doesn’t care which you choose, being that its nature is inevitably linked as an either/or force for control both in the positive and negative sense. Like any tool, its propensities for good or ill are totally based on the craftsman wielding it, but as any true craftsman can tell you, you can be an expert with whatever tool you choose, and sometimes “things happen,” and what you intended to be a work of art suddenly becomes something else altogether. Chaos can exist in nature, in philosophy, certainly in magic and in interpersonal relationships as well. Where chaos can indicate an infusion of randomness and disorder into an already chaotic situation, in our case, it softens the iron grip that I tend to have and allows me to bend without breaking, in seeing the humor and mirth that can be found even in the most dire of situations. In returning to her… my own personal chaos… she smiles and the sun shines, and when she cries, the tears can break my heart, but in either case, she can change the nature of my pain to something else, more manageable and pliable than before. It’s as if in simply being there to bear witness to my life, as well as be a part of it, her emotional investment becomes a beneficial mitigating factor that smooths even the bumpiest of roads. I think that from the very start, we’ve been good for each other in that way. People almost immediately “noticed a change” in me that I can only attribute to her.
I look at the pictures of us and it’s in my eyes… and in a softening of my overall demeanor. I’m not the outwardly appearing badass that I had sculpted over my life to let people know that I wasn’t someone to mess with, and that I would not fail. I feel, and seem to see, a man who’s still a dominant force, but with a softer edge, standing next to a lovely vision that is her. My chaos… my love. Out of nowhere, thinking of her, and I realize, and for the first time in my life, my heart is beating.
So I have to conclude that chaos in and of itself is not a “good or bad” thing, and certainly if it causes a positive effect when it comes on the scene, one would do well to embrace it and honor its coming. The negative aspects of chaos can be mollified or mitigated, once they present themselves, by choosing another course of action that still gets them the outcome they desire, but through another route… another operation… another stance.
Ordo Ab Chao (Order From Chaos) is a well known maxim, but equally true is Chao Ab Ordo (Chaos From Order.) It’s a cycle that we should pay attention to, because chaos takes root where order has weakness. Thus, when we are working to influence the world around us, we have to attempt to be as complete and meticulous in our planning as we can be, for chaos is insidious and relentless in working as a magical element of change. All things change naturally, and at times that change might be fortified by the influence of chaos. While this is often true, chaos need not be chaotic. If one recognizes it for what it is and works with it, rather than against it, chaos can be a catalyst for dynamic change in virtually any situation.